Oh, the joys of being newly married!
So many first experiences together: Picking out a home or apartment, choosing furniture and new dishes, deciding how to set up house. Such marital bliss!
And then comes the holidays.
You may notice how your once jovial “Ho! Ho! Ho!” has transformed to more of a “No! No!! NO!!!”
Ornaments ‘R Us!
My husband and I experienced this our first holiday season as a married couple. We got married a bit later in life. He was 40. And I was, let’s just say—younger than 40.
My hubs had been collecting, throughout the previous twenty-something years, pretty much every Peanuts™ Christmas tree ornament ever created! As in 200’ish such items.
On the other hand, I grew up in a family with five children. We always decorated our Christmas trees with a conglomeration of all our favorites—whether purchased from a store or home-made.
In other words, I was not accustomed to having just one particular theme covering the entire tree (and house) over the Christmas holiday.
And, I wasn’t planning to start this tradition any time soon!
Thus—our first (married) Christmas time “situation.”
When Momma ain’t happy…
I’m not saying these types of conversations/disagreements have to always side with what the head matriarch in your family desires. But I am saying you have to come to a consensus somehow in order to find a peaceful agreement everyone can live with.
Compromise is pretty much the name of the game in relationships (certainly in marriage), and it seems that holidays often bring these decisions to the forefront.
Major holidays (after marriage) often bring changes in:
- Time spent with your own (biological) family members
- Normal daily routines
- Traveling opportunities
- Private space/time at home
- Sleep/sleeping space
- Money management
- Attitudes (good and bad)
- Diets/eating habits
- Work/other social holiday parties
- And many more…
Ways you and your spouse can [learn to] compromise
According to an article by Dr. Leon F Seltzer Ph.D. posted on psychologytoday.com, here are seven ways of engendering a win/win situation in instances where you and your partner’s wants and needs just don’t gel otherwise (“Compromise Made Simple.” Para. 7):
- “Let’s try to find some way to meet in the middle or split the difference.”
- “If you’ll do this for me, I’ll do that for you.”
- “How about this time you do it my way [or let me have my way], and next time I’ll defer to you?”
- “What if we do it my way when I’m doing it, and your way when you’re doing it?”
- “How about part of what I want with part of what you want?”
- Could you try it my way for a week or two and see how it works? And if you don’t agree that this way works better, or you just can’t get comfortable with it, we’ll go back to the old way.
- “Might we handle this one my way, but that one your way?”
In my personal example at the beginning of this post, my hubby and I went with the concept listed above in #5—we started decorating with some of his ornaments alongside some of my “other” items, and then added a combined idea like tiny red velvet bows placed throughout the tree. Super cute!
So, don’t despair as you move through these weeks leading up to and going through Christmas time. With a little give and take on both sides, you’ll soon make your own holiday traditions that bring glitter and glee back to your household for years to come!