My father passed away recently after he sustained a tragic injury from a fall. Although he was 83 and had lived a good life, his death was difficult partly because it was unexpected. As a therapist, I have ministered to numerous individuals who lost loved ones. My clients and my own experience with losing two parents have taught me several lessons.
First, grief is a normal reaction to the loss of someone or something that is close to you. Grief is healthy and adaptive. As painful as it may be, mourning leads to emotional healing. Don’t try to short circuit or deny it but rather, grieve well.
Second, be prepared to be sabotaged. While going about my normal schedule, I received a call from my sister from another state. She was calling from my father’s home phone. The name and picture that came up on my iPhone were my father’s name and picture. Needless to say, it caught me by surprise that I thought for a moment “It’s Dad calling, but no….”. While packing up Christmas decorations, I came across a Christmas card. When I opened it, I saw my dad’s signature. Dad had mailed the card prior to his death, and I realized it would be the last card I would receive from dad. My mother passed away five years ago. Even now when I am in a crowd, I will see a white-haired female walking in front of me and for a moment think It’s Mom. Grief has a way of jumping out at you.
Finally, find an outlet. In these days of processing grief with the loss of my dad, I have found relief and comfort in writing. It is amazing to me how therapeutic it is to get my thoughts and feelings out of me and onto a piece of paper. I frequently recommend journaling to my clients, but now I am experiencing the benefit of writing first hand.
If you are suffering a loss, I trust these thoughts are helpful to you.