Talking with teenagers seems challenging even for the most patient parents. While many moms and dads desire open interaction with their kids, the reality is that this becomes difficult as teens proceed through their middle and high school years.
I thought we were communicating!
In our generation of cell phones, text messages, and conversations on-screen—communication has never been so easy. But as technology has evolved and made our lives easier in some ways, it has also dramatically changed the way we connect with others, including our teens!
But with the start of a new year, there are ways to improve communication with our kids—even in tiny phases.
Small Steps That Work
Parents often say their teen at home just “shuts down” and would rather close themselves off in their bedroom rather than communicate with family members. So, try these tips:
- Limit phone time
Instead of always isolating, plan an activity with your teen, such as going for coffee, ice cream, or a burger, watching something you both love on Netflix®, or riding bikes on a great trail. Give teens advanced notice so everyone can plan for the activity. And remember, intentional time spent together—even in small ways—communicates care. - Be aware of how your own emotions are conveyed
Are your arms crossed the whole time you’re speaking to them? Does your body language scream that you’re in defense mode? Make sure your overall appearance is “open.” Also, watch your tone of voice. Sometimes the words said are not the problem (in shutting things down with your teenager) as much as the attitude while saying it. - Write down what you want to communicate
Think about how you want something to be understood, and then listen intently to your teen’s response—even if that means waiting through some awkward silence. Many teens complain of never feeling heard by their parents.
It takes a little practice, but even small changes in communication can start new healthy habits. As you focus on intentional time together and keep emotions in check, it can significantly change the way discussions go down. These tiny steps can help alleviate struggles in conversations with your teen as you move forward in your relationship.