How (and when) to Talk with Your Kids About Sex

Dixie Walker
Children, Christian Faith, Communication, Dating, Marriage & Family, Parenting, Pornography, Relationships, Sex, Teens

It’s that question parents universally dread hearing from their child’s mouth, “Mommy, what’s sex?”

From the back seat of my car this inquiry sounded loud and clear from my five-year-old son’s mouth. At the time, we were driving toward his school one morning when he decided it was the perfect time to get his question answered. You’ve got to love the timing of children’s curiosity!

When is the right time to talk with our kids about sexual matters?

As parents, we know there are several topics we need to address early on with our children—stranger danger, matters of hygiene, appropriate behavior, etc…

But when it comes to this matter of sex, we often think Nah! We’ll discuss that later. They’re just kids!

However, the days are long past for assuming our kids won’t hear about—or view—sexually provocative images until they’re older. These pictures can be pulled up in front of their eyes with just a few clicks on their own electronic devices. So, the time to begin the discussion is now—when they’re very young!

Some shocking stats!

According to statistics reported by CovenantEyes, an Internet accountability filtering service—51% of boys and 32% of girls see porn before their teenage years.

Many young boys start discussing matters having to do with sex before they’re old enough to even know the meaning of the word. For some, the ideas and images come from having older siblings or friends who are more knowledgeable or experienced with the opposite gender.

How should parents approach this topic with kids?

Discuss in bits and pieces
Don’t hinge this topic to only one immense discussion about ‘the birds and the bees’ when your child becomes twelve. Make the subject one that’s a natural conversation about life and living around other people. This begins with the way we teach our preschoolers that God created us male and female (Genesis 5:2). God wants us to be respectful of our bodies and others as well (1 Corinthians 6:12-20). Understanding our sexual identity through God’s creation as well as biblical instructions of behavior is foundational teaching for valuing ourselves and others both physically and emotionally.

Start when they’re young
Begin conversations about the human body in general terms when your children are preschoolers. Psalm 139:14 reminds us, “I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” God creates each individual in a special way, and that we should treat our bodies—and that of others—as creations to be loved in proper ways.

Read age-appropriate books on sexuality
Share information about sexual matters from books that have a Christian perspective along with age-appropriate levels of understanding and wording. Over the early years of our son’s life, we used a book series called God’s Design for Sex by Stan and Brenna Jones. This series progresses with a child’s age and understanding level, as well as provides a biblical perspective on treasuring one’s body for what God has planned through the intimacy of marriage. This is just one of many faith-based resources on this topic that you could choose from. I’ve listed additional resources at the end of this post.

Watch for teachable moments
We see sexual images all around us in society and in our homes. Even with filters set on every television set and computer monitor in the house, your children will still see erotic situations that are not appropriate for young eyes. Take these opportunities to briefly state the obvious such as, “That person isn’t wearing enough clothing. It’s best to keep the private areas of our bodies covered up more when we go out in our community.” After making this type of comment, you can proceed by distracting your young child with another activity, or simply change the TV channel to something more wholesome.

Model modesty
As Christians, we all need to model a good sense of modesty in our attire. It’s best not to send mixed messages to our kids, or their friends, by telling them to “cover up” if we are not following that same advice. This is especially important for girls as they are developing into young ladies, and teen boys as they are becoming more watchful of their female friends!

Talking with your children about sex doesn’t have to be a nerve-wracking, taboo subject in your household. Simply taking a few minutes to talk naturally with them as they are maturing will help this topic go from “naughty” to normal early in their lives.