Raising children is a joyful experience for most parents. Holding a new “little bundle of joy” in their earliest days of life can be indescribable. It’s an experience most parents enjoy with overflowing love in their hearts.
On the flip side, becoming a stepparent is sometimes a very different experience.
In most cases, you don’t get a newborn who is totally dependent on you or easily moldable to your values and ways of approaching day-to-day operations of family life.
Sometimes these new-to-you children are two years old, sixteen, or somewhere in-between—with habits and lifestyles that are somewhat established. There is also no set of instructions to guide you through difficult adjustment periods that will likely come your way.
So, to have the best chance at parenting your stepchildren effectively, you must talk with your partner in open and honest communication about expectations of stepparenting before you marry.
Private conversations are great and necessary, but marriage counseling is also beneficial in helping you look at the reality of your situation before the marriage takes place.
Questions to consider and discuss:
- How active is each partner to be in the correction/discipline efforts of stepchildren?
- Which parent has the final say in matters of disagreement?
- Are the children to be treated the same? What happens when they are not?
- Do you spank, ground, take games/electronics away?
- Are the children allowed to talk back? How do you define “talking back” from kids (of any age)?
Basically, setting ground rules for the parents/stepparents in advance and then discussing these with the children/stepchildren may lessen some of the difficulties in becoming a stepparent.
Be assured—you can do this! Just go into the relationships with your eyes wide open and your heart’s goal set on becoming an accepting, loving family unit all the way around.