Taking short glances back in life are one thing, but remaining in past occurrences—often filled with discontentment and sorrow—can become detrimental to one’s future outlook.”
Regretful points to ponder
- Regrets leave us feeling stuck—or heartsick—over the past. I know I’m in regret when I consistently think, It shouldn’t have been this way!
- Regrets might be about my choices and behaviors, or those of another individual.
- Sometimes regrets are about our own life circumstances—such as the death of a dream or goal we had hoped to attain.
Look ahead to your new reality
As with most anything in life, regret may bring about lessons from which we can learn.
Regarding past choices
I can’t change what I did or didn’t do yesterday. I must realize that I did the best I could at the time. If I could have done better or differently, I would have. I most likely have knowledge, maturity, or resources I didn’t have back then that fuels the gap between what I value now versus what I valued then. To move forward from regrets, I must confess and believe God forgives me, and then begin the work of forgiving myself. Also, I might consider if my poor choices in the past impacted others.
In the 12-Step model of addictions recovery, step eight involves offering amends when our actions or attitude has hurt someone else. Consider if your attempt to repair with another person is helpful. If it is determined to be beneficial, then go to the person, confess the transgression, apologize, and repent (change your behavior, and move forward). This can help clear your conscience with others. Hebrews 12:14 recommends this step of reconciliation as well: “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.”
Regarding others
Misgivings come when we are hurt—or disappointed in—the behaviors and choices of others. We cannot anticipate and prevent pain from others. We can only let them know how we feel, set boundaries on the way we let their choices impact us, grieve the losses of our expectations, and finally learn the necessary lessons from the pain. Luke 17:3 reminds us: “So watch yourselves. ‘If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.’ ” Note this important fact—forgiving others is a one-person process that we undertake so that we might have inner peace. On the other hand, reconciling the relationship requires two willing parties desiring and making efforts to rebuild trust.
Regarding circumstances
We might have sorrows about the way life unfolds for us, especially when it means the death of a lifelong dream. In this case, regrets are about avoiding the painful feelings of grief and accepting the loss. We can’t change our past, but we can change how we look at it.
When we have faith as a resource, we can trust that God may have a plan we aren’t able to see when we are fighting our reality. Jeremiah 29:11 assures us: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
With these reminders and reliance on God for the future, we have the tools to look forward to a great year ahead while leaving our regrets far behind!