The sultry glances were brief but often. With fluttering eyelashes and a slightly demure smile, there was no mistaking her intentions—to capture the attention of that handsome guy sitting nearby.
A normal display of flirting? Absolutely!
A common age for such conquest? Not so much.
The flirtatious female in this description was only in fourth grade!
Yes, true story. I observed the hour-long exchange of glances while subbing at a local elementary school during their holiday program. These two kids had more on their minds than singing “Jingle Bells”!
Old enough—really??
The thing is, adolescence—and all matters related—doesn’t happen at a specific age or grade level. In fact, it may be earlier than most parents want to think about!
Since it has been a few years back for most of us—let’s review a bit regarding this awkward season of life known as puberty.
What’s happening to my baby??
From the onset of puberty to its end, it takes somewhere between 3-5 years for both guys and girls to make it through this time of adjustment. A lot of changes are happening to their bodies, usually from mid-elementary school through mid-high school (at least).
Some kids continue to develop physically into their twenties, but most have made it through the majority of changes by age 16 or 17. These differences begin with hormones and then trigger physical development such as:
- Armpit hair
- Voice deepening (males)
- Breast development
- Acne
- Body odor
- Hairy legs
- Pubic hair
- Body fat redistribution (females)
- Facial hair
How do kids feel about it?
You can most likely remember how you felt during these somewhat embarrassing years of change. Your kids are experiencing it as well—whether they verbally tell you or not!
- Scared
For some kids, puberty is kind of scary. They were accustomed to how their bodies looked and functioned in past years, but now everything looks and feels different (inside and out). You think you don’t know your child anymore. Well, sometimes they don’t recognize themselves either! It’s that confusing.
- Awkward
Your child may begin growing at a rapid pace in height or weight, which makes dressing and keeping up with a wardrobe somewhat of a challenge as well. For girls, it can be difficult to find clothing that fits their developing bodies without looking too mature or revealing. For guys, it may simply be a matter of keeping long-enough pants for their growing legs!
- Emotional
Your child is on an emotional rollercoaster of sorts. It’s common to see drastic mood swings in them several times a day! But try not to let it get you unraveled as well. Keep in your mind that many times when your child suddenly erupts in anger or tears, it’s the hormones “talking” more than anything.
When should you talk?
The earlier, the better!
For general growth changes, it’s great to “grow” these conversations along with your child’s physical growth. Meaning—start talking with them in their preschool years about simple matters related to their bodies. Talk about the uniqueness of their body compared to that of the other gender. Use “real” biological names for private body parts instead of silly names. This matter-of-fact approach makes it simply part of life.
Although you may think it would be hard to discuss these matters with young children, it actually makes the discussions easier. Obviously, with very young kids, you need to keep age-appropriateness in mind for their understanding level.
But as your child grows older, your conversations will grow, too—taking on a more mature approach. Certainly, when you notice their bodies are changing in physical appearance toward that of pre-adolescence—it’s time to talk further about the “next steps” they can anticipate physically or emotionally.
Sometimes your child’s circumstances will determine the timing of further discussions. For example, if your daughter begins her period around age nine or ten—you will not have any “warning time” before you talk with her about that part of her development. If she’s older—closer to age 12—then most likely, several of her friends are at the same age/stage and have chatted with her about it. Regardless, as your child’s parent, it’s important for you to have these discussions together. You certainly want her to see you as an expert on matters related to sexuality—over the immature ideas of her preteen friends!
Maturing boys have their own biological issues to deal with. If possible, it’s best for Dad to talk with his sons about these matters. But if you are a single mom with an adolescent boy in your household, consider finding a trusted adult male figure in your extended family or friend who can talk with your son about these things. It just makes sense that adult females understand younger female changes, and adult males understand those of younger males.
You can do this!
Even though you may feel unqualified to talk about these awkward matters of puberty with your child, it really is so important for you to bite the bullet and have these conversations with them. The earlier you begin the conversation, the easier it will be! And this dialogue will set a foundation for further conversations with them as they mature toward young adulthood and all that comes with it!
Additional resources on this topic:
“Preparing for Puberty” https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/schoolage-children/talking-about-sex-and-puberty/preparing-for-puberty
“What Is Puberty All About?” https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/156451.php