It’s not exactly breaking news to say that men and women converse differently. This fact has been obvious to most of us from days we played together on the school playground!
And many of us have read the popular book—or at least shared the opinion—that Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Just sayin’—we’re different in several ways!
So, the concept of this post isn’t really up for questioning its validity. Rather, how can we improve the situation within our own relationships?
Points of general contention
- Men tend to think through facts and come to quick summaries.
- Women tend to talk through details related to the facts in an effort to understand and organize them.
- Men often assume women expect them to “fix” the issue being discussed.
- Women often assume men enjoy hearing all the details related to what they’re talking about.
- Men tend to communicate how they think about things.
- Women tend to communicate how they feel about things.
These types of differences stir up frustration as men and women attempt to communicate with each other—whether that be in personal relationships or in the workplace.
Practical guidelines to help
Focus on the Family® gives these tips for both genders to talk more effectively with one another:
- Give focused attention
Try to give better eye contact when conversing with one another.
- Set up clear expectations from the start of conversations
In other words, “Get in the habit of clarifying meaning early in each conversation.”
- Ask secondary questions to gain even better understanding
In this article by Focus, we learn that doing this step in communication efforts “demonstrates caring and builds trust.”
- Set technology aside during face-to-face conversations
We all know how annoying (and rude) it seems when someone we’re trying to talk to is more interesting in a cell phone screen than in us. So, get in the habit of looking at the person you’re conversing with and not at your tech piece.
- Set goals/keep track of communicating effectively
It takes multiple attempts at anything for it to become a habit. When you set small goals of making positive communication habits, then check them off as done—each day! This will encourage you to keep up the good work.
- Intentionally grow in your wonder/learning about each other
The key word here is acting with intention. Just as you do in the beginning of a new relationship (personal or at work), keep it up! The more you know someone, the better you can follow up with them in more concise ways that helps to bring about closeness and trust.
If you follow these tips, your communication is bound to reach new heights of satisfaction. Best wishes for stronger relationships (and communication) in the days ahead!