Have you ever wondered if your body might melt through the flooring of your living room,
as you lie on it watching TV?
Have you ever sat frozen in one spot—for three to four hours—wondering what to eat
for dinner? Or if you should eat at all?
Have you ever driven to the other side of town only to realize you didn’t even remember getting into your car, much less driving through traffic for so many miles?
Have you ever looked outside your house window, wondering how the neighbors could be so full of joy when you feel so utterly disheartened day after day?
The Mind Does Funny Things…
For almost a full year I experienced those thoughts and several others that left me feeling completely detached from everything and everyone I saw day to day. Although I was interacting with people around me—talking, eating, touching—it seemed like I wasn’t actually there in person. I know that may sound odd to you. Today, it sounds strange to me, too. But at the time, I felt more like I was in some kind of altered state of reality rather than operating in a “normal” way of life.
While I was going to work each day, relating with coworkers—the way I felt and functioned during this dark, depressive time included:
- Emotional emptiness—an extreme sadness that continued each day for most of a year
- No desire to do anything at all!
- Excessive exercising in an attempt to feel better and release stressful thoughts
- No interest in being around others, or making new relationships
- Lack of concentration or the ability to make decisions
- Nausea, loss of appetite, and rapid weight loss
- Feelings of isolation
Doctors eventually diagnosed me as clinically depressed, which is another term for major depression. In my case, this was brought on by significant distress of work-related circumstances coupled with an extreme imbalance of nutrition due to stress and nausea resulting in big weight loss.
That was twenty-five years ago. And today, there are still huge chunks of that dreadful year that I can’t recall. The mind does funny things when our emotional health is thrown way off-kilter, as mine had become.
But the great news is that I do remember when those debilitating clouds of despair finally lifted, and I could once again live life in an untroubled state of thinking. This is how I know for certainty that there is hope on the other side of depression.
And this is true for you as well!
My story is part one of a series on this topic of depression. Over the next several weeks, we’ll consider more aspects of what depression looks like, as well as helpful resources for moving beyond it.
Please stay tuned.